An open letter to my younger self.
Dear Capt’n Save a Heaux:
I know you’re in your early 20’s, free from college and all of the excitement it offered, but you’re out here in the world and on your own now. Although the responsibilities you have are minimal, just wait. They’re coming, and when they do, that needs to be your focus–nothing else.
Of course you won’t listen, but just in case you are, I’m gonna share with you few things I need you to remember before putting on that ill-fitting cape and flying off to save every damsel in distress.
First things first, if she comes to you with a fat ass and a list of issues, pretend she’s straight and look lustfully as you let that ass pass you by.
We’ve all had our share of issues, and you’re too young to even know what they’re really about. Don’t work hard to relieve her, because most of her issues are a result of detrimental decisions she’s made. Her problems existed long before you came along, and will be there long after you’re gone.
Loving her may only distract you from your purpose at this point in your life—which is to build for your future. Do this by getting the most out of your degree, build a career, and start saving—today.
I know ol’ girl got kids, but um… you can’t be playing house when you don’t even have one.
As a stud you’re going to endure enough without the challenge of bearing the brunt of responsibility for children that aren’t yours. You’re still young yourself; so take the time to explore your options—and the world—while you can. There will be plenty of time to settle down and be a family later in life, but that will only come after you’ve taken note of the info offered in the first point—build for your future. If you suck at securing stability for yourself, you will fail at focusing on a family, for real though.
Beware of the sexy sociopath.
Crazy comes in cute packages, and although those hits of jealousy are considered cute at the moment, trust me when I say she will go into a full-fledged 5150 real soon. When the shit hits the fan, sexiness is secondary to her overall mental health. She will probably push you away, and then pull you back in the midst of her misery. Because… you know… She can’t live without you. *inserts side eye*. She might even suggest suicide. If she says she’s going to kill herself, it prolly—yes prolly—means, she’s going to kill yo’ ass.
If you’re not strong enough to exit early on, you’ll be caught up in the rapture and you will not escape unscathed. You might even catch a record behind the bullshit that you may never bounce back from.
Her exes may be villains, but you’re no superhero.
Either she’s made a lot of bad decisions, or she’s exaggerating on the extent to which they’re at fault; either way, she’s not being to could be the real reason things went wrong. Sometimes women paint previous partners as villains to soup you up to save them. The real truth is: Some women will tell traumatic tales of tortuous relationships, when she was the villain, hidden in plain sight. Before you’re so quick to cape for her, beware. She just might be trappin’ you capt’n.
The Innanet is upon us.
Social media will take the world by storm. Women will flaunt their flawlessness through filters, and you will be forced to see beauty in false forms. Don’t fall for it. Every woman has flaws, not just you. Don’t fall for the fictional fables in front of you. No, the women around you won’t look like that, but neither do they. Beyond the contour and cosmetic surgery craze lies a canvas that is beyond basic. Don’t court a woman because of her makeup, the morning will reveal regret.
F*ck the fantasy.
This is real life. You’re going to bump into a bodied-down bombshell with a big booty and brains with a ridiculously wonderful resume—you know, college degree, no kids, cute face, slim waist—the works. Her sharp style comes with a price.
You’re going to pay in one way or another, but don’t break your pockets for p*ssy, purses, or pumps unless you’re prepared to pay for the remainder of the relationship. Because she has a shopping habit she can’t really support doesn’t mean you need to step in and foot the bill for her financial failures. Although it makes sense to merge your households to save money, don’t make that mistake or you’ll be miserable. Do not… I repeat… Do NOT wife a woman who works from the bottom of her priorities list. She’s going to break the bank then bounce. Believe me.
You can’t turn a ‘ho’ into a housewife, except in Scrabble.
Chiiiile, listen. You’re going to run into women who are already involved and they may paint a perfect picture of pain to pursue you. Try not to fall for the foolishness.
You may be tempted to take away the pain and pressure put on by that other person, but it’s not your job to right the wrongs of her relationship. She’s going to disrespect her relationship in every way imaginable, and you may think it’s ok because she’s a great girl in a sad situation, but guess what?!?
Listen to me. You can’t expect a promiscuous person to play her position and run point in your life. She’s already shown you what she’s capable of, so any extra expectations are all on you. Before you try to wife her, consider one-nighting her. But I suggest you save yourself the trouble. There are plenty of single women out there and she’s not one of them.
You’re still a heaux your damn self.
Don’t deny it. You’ve been bouncing between women and loving the freedom that it offers. You love the attention of admirers, so why get entangled in the issues of another? Stepping in to be her savior when you know you’re hopping on the next train that pulls up to the station is asking for your windows to be shattered all over your seats when you awake in the A.M.
It’s fine if you’re finding yourself. Just don’t pretend to settle when you know you’re not looking for a long-term love. It will come in due time, honey, this just ain’t it.
Honestly, you’re still young, and while you’re attempting to find your place in life, no one can put you in a situation you don’t want to be in. Your life is just that your life. And while everything that happens isn’t always your fault, you will have some major obstacles to overcome in this thing called life. You are going to make decisions that will mold you into your future self, but some of the pitfalls of life can be avoided if you look deep within. You may find yourself in a maze of misconception by ignoring your instincts in the name of lust. You might also become addicted to the feeling of being needed by the women you encounter, break that addiction by ignoring your ego. You’ll fall in love with her story and want to be her hero. But before you can save anyone, you first need to tuck away that cape and save yourself.
There’s a difference in being lonely and being alone. Love your freedom. Focus on your own faults—as there will be plenty. Never blame anyone for mistakes you’ve made. And never look for anyone to save you. Love is going to knock the wind out of you—more than once.
Educate. Elevate. Expand. Do these things for you.
Your future depends on it.
Your older, wiser, self